How can you cheat in cyberspace?

I have often wondered does a cyber relationship with someone who is involved in a real life relationship constitute cheating. I’ve heard both sides of the argument and I tend to side with the NOs. Oh yes you’re probably calling me every name in the book for that one but let’s look at this rationally. How can you cheat with someone you’ve never met?

Sure we say all kinds of sweet romantic things in a chat or email but realistically it’s not love. More or less it’s just lusting after your fantasy person. You’re not there with that person through their everyday lives. They can sit in front of their computer and paint a really rosy picture of what you imagine in might be like to be together. But after a few hours you have to go back to the real world. Bills have to be paid, dinner has to be cooked, and kids have to be put to bed. You don’t get to see that person when they wake up scarier than the devil on Prozac.

I think the only person that gets cheated in a cyber relationship is you if your wasting time devoting energy to someone who is already involved on an LTR or already married. There are plenty of single men and women out there who would love to find their ideal (not fantasy) person. If you’re the involved party perhaps you should step back and examine what is lacking your relationship and think of ways to fix it rather than spending hours online looking for something outside to fill the void.

Show him your love

We are all often dazzled by the beauty we see in relationships on TV and in the movies. Everything is just perfect and all the pieces fall into place in the proper order. We then look at our own lives and it pales in comparison. Wake up girls!!

Show your fella some appreciation for his efforts. Valentine’s day is now a fading memory and the empty candy boxes and cards are disappearing into landfills. I can’t believe I have found women who have hit an all time low of ingratitude. Is he psychic?? How would he know what you expect from him unless you tell him? Don’t be afraid to talk about what you’d like in your relationship. It won’t scare him off and quite simply he’ll appreciate not having to guess at what you are thinking. Don’t bang him over the head with it, just talk about things you’d like in the relationship when the opportunity presents it’s self.

When he does do something nice for you, whatever the occasion, appreciate it! It is truly the thought that counts. Don’t make him jump through hopes for every compliment he gets. A little gratitude will go a long way.

I don't believe in modern love

Find Mr or Miss Right can be a monumental task theses days. My parents are quite perturbed at my on going single status and their lack of grandchildren. They can’t understand why I have not found some great guy, settled down, and gone whole hog for the American dream. They don’t realize it’s not the same as when they met (in the 60’s!). My mom was this wild city girl and my dad a sweet country boy just coming to the big city. I imagine it must have been like fire and gasoline for them.

Well I’ve sort have been busy living life and oopps, some how life didn’t drop a knight in shining armor in my lap. So what do I do now? My night club days are over. And even then I was always being singled out by guys who were looking for someone to cheat on their girlfriends or wives with. I don’t think I have Mistress tattooed on my forehead. I’m not too picky and at this stage my standards have been reduced to he must at least have his own teeth and not live at home with his mom, grandmother, or other female relative.

Well I have a few potential suitors from my online pursuits but of course the good ones live thousands of miles away.  I have serious problems with online personal ads. It seems despite my rather carefully thought out description of what I’m look for, I’m only attractive to men in the 60-70 age range with excessively hairy bodies and rather small.... well you get the idea. If you want to know how I found that out, they rather proudly attach pictures of themselves in all their wrinkled, hairy glory! Trust me I’m no Anna Nicole.

So until I can figure out something or perhaps bump into Mr Right at the mall like a movie magic moment, I’ll continue living life. Ya never know that knight might just be in armor that just needs a little polishing

I knew the first time I saw...

I used to love hearing about how my parents met. They always started the story out the same way. They met at a party. At that point the story has divergent endings. My mom claims my dad was the pursuer and of course he says she was. It always used to make me laugh. My mom was this wild city girl and my dad was this sweet country boy just coming to the big city. I imagine it was like fire and gasoline.

My dear pal Funky posed an interesting question once. He originally stated that women chose the one. He quoted “women chose one, men choose many” and asked which is true? I think men chose the one first. I grew up with mostly male friends. I’ve watched the evolution of their relationships. Sure men choose many but when there is that one woman who catches their eye, they know in that instant that there is NO other woman for them but her. Sometimes they know before they even know her name.

I think that women stay in the looking for the prince in the frog phase too long. By that I mean they go down that little checklist they’ve been carrying since they discovered boys before they realize this is a great guy just as he is. But for men, when they’ve found their princess, they make all the efforts necessary to win her over. He will tap dance like Gregory Hines to make sure she notices him.

Believe me when a guy has chosen you, he’ll make sure you have a wonderful story to tell your children someday.

Confessions of a Bombshell

I admit it, I enjoy being a girl! I love being flirtatious and charming, and getting special treatment. I’ve been bumped to first class more than once because of it and I got through security at the Malpensa airport in Milan because of my smile. I know most feminist would want to beat me with a flaming bra for this but it’s great that my feminine wiles are good for something. I promise to use my powers for good and not evil.

It wasn’t always like this. I grew up a tomboy. Yes I climbed trees and fought with boys. It was a major battle to get me into a dress for any occasion. Through high school I wore my hair in pigtails, clad in my dad’s oversized shirts and jeans. I had no time for preening myself like a peacock as the other teenage girls did. Oddly enough, I wrote a fashion column for my high school paper (even receiving an award for it). I spent my 20’s cultivating my mind with college and life experience.

I was clearly a late bloomer. Imagine my mother’s shock when she learned a few years ago that I have a closet full of dresses and high heeled shoes. Now into my 40’s I notice the effect I have on the male of the species. My voluptuous curves are appreciated and applauded. I’m no longer the skinny kid who made Olive Oyl look like Marilyn Monroe. Men weaken at my standoffish attitude and easy going demeanor.

What drives men wild are not the clingy demands of the ever spoiled insecure diva but the devil may care attitude of the elusive bombshell. Remember divas are made but bombshells are born.

1+1 does not always =2

Some people giggle when they hear the expression that women give sex for love and men give love for sex. Sometimes it can eve erupt into a lively discussion of male/female relationships. Ultimately someone gets their feelings hurt and then takes their ball and goes home.

No one wants to admit that they can’t separate sex from love. Too often we form relationships based on one week of wild passion, only to realize 6 months down the line we can’t stand the sight of that person. . I know it’s hard but we really should use our heads instead of out nether regions when it comes to matters of the heart. Actually spending time with the person might be more telling than if they know every position in the Kama Sutra and the Pillow books. A friend of mine recently discovered how uncultured and sheltered his girlfriend is during a 7 day cruise. They couldn’t escape each other on the close confines of the ship. It was a real eye opener for him.

This leads back to the importance of dating. I know it sounds quite old fashioned in this fast paced 21st century lifestyle. But it gives each person an opportunity to find common ground. There’s nothing wrong with taking it slow. Once you see someone naked it changes everything and all logic goes out the window. Sometimes stepping back from the lust can lead to something more meaningful and fulfilling.

She's just not diggin' you

I have a dear friend who is intent on marrying a girl who just isn’t right for him. It’s as plain as the nose on his face but for some reason he keeps putting his energy into this one sided relationship. He does all the work and she sits back and reaps the benefits. I’ve talked to him until I’m blue in the face but ultimately he is going to do whatever he wants.

Usually it’s women who are accused of staying in bad relationships for all the wrong reasons. But it is apparent guys do it too. He and I have spent hours discussing the situation. I’ve begged and pleaded with him to let this go because she will never be the girl he wants her to be. So I posed some questions to him to help him realize that he is going down a path that will lead to failure and (more) heartache. This could apply to guys or girls because too many times we seem to have blinders on when it comes to a simple thing called love.

1. Name one thing that she does for you that is non sexual.

2. What is her response to your plans for a future? ( My friend asked this girl to marry him 3 times and she still never said yes definitely)

3. Has she ever cooked for you? (Even if all she ever did was make a sandwich, that counts for something)

4. Do you make excuses for  behavior that you know is otherwise inexcusable?


I spent 9 years with a guy who was very wrong for me. I’m glad I finally woke up when I did. I didn’t have anybody to shake me back into reality. Reality is don’t put your energy into something that clearly isn’t working. While you’re doing that, the right person could pass you by.

Oh get over yourself!

I read Dear Abby all the time. Sometimes I am amazed by people’s behavior. Recently something I read just really took the cake.

A man wrote in highly upset because he found out that his wife of 15 years had intimate relationships (one with a married man), before she met him. He even stated that he felt she had cheated him. He his having a hard time with this issue because she should have been a virgin when they married. He even resorted to calling her dirty and a slut.

I really want to ask this guy- What color is the sky in your universe!??? Oh yes she was just waiting for you to show up on her doorstep. She is a terrible person because she should have known you were coming for her. Get a grip. Were you a virgin on your wedding night? More than likely not but you’ve held out these standards for her. Low and behold 15 years into the marriage you are just devastated??! Never mind that she’s been a faithful wife to you all these years.

If this particular thing was so important to you, why didn’t you discuss it 15 years ago. It would have saved you all this so called heartache and perhaps her eyes would have been open to what a selfish cry baby you are. Perhaps she would have chosen differently as well.

So stop being a drama queen and you need to pray she’ll forgive your insecure stupidity. If I had been her you would not have had a tooth left in your face when the S word left your lips.

To some it may seem like I’m busting his chops but then I guess he’s lucky I’m not Dear Abby.