Weighing the average

The average American woman wears a size 14. Everyday we are bombarded with images that make us feel fat and out of shape. Now it seems that even being healthy is looked down upon. I can not believe the press is blasting Tyra Banks for gaining weight. Geesss can’t you find something else to focus on. What is worse they are saying it is ugly. Even though I’m not fan of hers, most guys would feel lucky if she even looked in their direction no matter what size she is. This woman is 5’10” and by her own words weighs 161lbs. What in the world is wrong with that???

I would like to meet someone who maybe in their 30’s or 40’s who still weighs the same as they did in their teens. If I do, I’m talking to someone who probably has an eating disorder or suffering some other esteem based issue. Let’s get real, as we age, we put on weight. I am so glad I finally filled out in my late 20’s. Before that I was a living stick person and I never want to be that skinny again. I was so thin I was mistaken for a young boy on two occasions.  For a long time the focus was celebrities who were too thin and their effect on impressionable young girls. Now it seems the target is someone who is the appropriate weight for their height.

There are lots of people feeling this need to be perfect. NOBODY is perfect. There is no such thing as perfection. Who in the world is setting these unrealistic standards?? I want to know how many of these people are in perfect shape. Yes it would be great if we could all be at our ideal weight and eat all the Chunky Monkey ice cream Ben and Jerry could crank out. If given a choice between working out or the Monkey...for those of you who know me, you know what I’m running for. And I dare you to ask for a spoonful!

Learn to love yourself just as you are. You are beautiful in so many ways. If you want to lose a few then do it because you want to, not because you want to impress someone. If you couldn’t get their attention when you were heavier then they are probably not someone you would really want to know anyway.

I’m a few pounds from my goal weight. But there’s a restaurant across the street from where I work that I eat at so often my co workers have banned me from going there. My mother often wonders why that pint of Monkey never lasts more than 2 days when it says it serves four (four what? dwarfs?). So until I get serious about losing those last pounds, I’ve learned to love my belly fat. I think of it as my winter reserves. But when I’m ready, I’ll do it for me, not because someone else says I don’t meet their standards.  

You can't cure stupid

First it was Mel Gibson (anti Semitic comments), then it was Michael Richards (racist tirade), and now Isaiah Washington (anti gay remarks). All have made public as**s of themselves and sought forgiveness by of all things going into rehab. Frankly I never knew you could seek counsel for being a jerk. If that were the case at sometime or another we’d all be in that line. Personally I have always believed in the adage whatever comes up, comes out. Much to their dismay  what came out of their mouths was caught on tape and made public. So now it can all be made right by going to a therapist. Please don’t fall for this one.

I would rather know how someone feels about me upfront so I can steer clear of them. There is nothing I hate more than someone who will smile in my face and then turn around and talk about me behind my back. Would they have sought help if these incidents weren’t splashed all over the news? So now we know how they feel in private. No doubt others close to them knew as well but turned a blind eye (or deaf ear whatever the case may be). They only hang their heads in shame because their careers are on the line now. Personally I wouldn’t give another nickel to see any of them perform again. Yes I believe people can change. But this change could have and should have taken place long before they were making headlines and the dollars were at stake. These are grown men who are well aware of the state of the world. There are no pills or quick fixes for just being plain stupid.

I didn't invent commitment

Many friends have often asked why am I still single? Trust me it’s not by choice but by circumstance. I have often equated the men that are attracted to me to a box of chocolates. They are look great on the outside but when I take a bite they are full of that orange crap I hate. I haven’t yet met a guy who is ready for commitment to be honest, at least not to me. For some reason guys don’t take me seriously. I haven’t yet put my finger on why. But if you figure it out, please feel free to let me know.

I like every other woman on the planet have dreamed of my ideal guy since I discovered boys don’t have cooties. As far as I can tell he doesn’t live within a thousand miles of me. The ones who do live in proximity seem hell bent on playing little mind games until the next one comes along. So what’s a girl to do?

So as I face another birthday closing in on me, I am once again pondering where have all the good men gone? Sigh... If you know of one, give him my number. My standards are decreasing with each passing year. But for heaven sake, he must at least have his own teeth!

Living his dream

I grew up learning about Dr King’s activism in my history lessons. I never really appreciated the efforts and sacrifices of the civil rights leaders, movers, and shakers of the 50’s, 60’s, and 70’s. After all I grew up in a middle class neighborhood. I went to excellent schools. I never knew color or race (until we moved to the South but that’s another story).

It is as an adult that I truly understand the struggle. We as a people, as a society have come far, although we still have a long way to go. What a wonderful thing it is that we are willing to travel that path. It hasn’t taken some alien invasion from outer space for us to realize that we can overcome prejudice and ignorance to see each other as people instead of skin colors.

There will be those who chose to live in ignorance and fear. Politicians and the media will continue to try to manipulate us keep with stereotypes to keep nonsense going. But it is within us all to rise above that. I think everyone should feel pride in their heritage and cultures. Sometimes we forget we are all members of the human race. Good or bad we all contribute to human history.

For right now there are no Dr King Day sales at the stores, no Dr King greeting cards, no King Day decorations to pack away (thank heavens). Instead of being a commercial farce, it has become a day of service for many. People make time to volunteer to help others less fortunate in communities all over the country. It brings us under a common umbrella of caring and kindness and respect for others. It brings out the best in all of us. Eventually that will carry over into our everyday lives.

Apple will rise again

The first computer I ever saw was an Apple. I was just starting to work in the entertainment industry and everyone I knew had one. Later when I was ready to buy my own I actually spent 6 months researching just the perfect model. I even purchased an oversized publication called the Mac Registry (it may not longer be in print). It listed absolutely every software and peripheral available for the Mac user.

I’ve been hooked ever since. I’m Mac loyal. Last summer  I spent quite a tidy sum on eBay acquiring vintage Mac stuff. Apple made a lot of really cool stuff before the PC companies did. The beauty of Mac is that they never truly become obsolete.

Now Apple is getting ready to set the world on it’s ear with the iPhone this summer. Once it hits the market I have no doubt that sales of other Apple products will increase. Although my PC loving friends call me a fool for my Mac-insanity, I could never own anything else. You poor PC lemmings just don’t know what you’re missing.

I wish you would Google me!

I say that with typical black woman attitude because I think it's ridiculous that an employer would use the internet as a way to eliminate you as a potential candidate for a job.

The internet is a great thing. It allows you to be free to express yourself in ways you may not have previously imagined. Who knew your banker could write such tear jerking poetry or the girl who cuts your hair mentors kids at risk? They have put great efforts into making webpages to share their talents with the world. Okay, admittedly some of us do get a bit carried away and share things that are probably best kept to ourselves. It can be hard to look Bob in accounting in the eye after seeing pictures of him in a tutu performing acts with a strange looking vegetable on loveyourveggies.com. I imagine such acts must be illegal in 57 countries.

All kidding aside, no activity you do outside of work should be the subject of investigation by a potential or current employer. As long as it is not an illegal activity, what you do in your own time is your business. Yes, the internet is an open public forum but it is not a place to police your life when you leave the office.

Your (potential) boss may not agree with your perspective on global warming or the war in Iraq but does that give him the right to factor that into your annual review? Should you be required to give all your Yahoo! IDs on a job application? We must draw the line now. It is bad enough that potential employers can request your credit history. (That's another thing I have never understood the necessity of.) Your thoughts and opinions are your own and should not be dictated to you in order to get work.

No home training

Since I came home, I’ve been working as a substitute teacher at an elementary school (pre-K to 5th grade). It was a way to keep money in my pocket and allow me to look after my dad before his passing. Trust me there isn’t enough money in the world for me to become a teacher. I applaud all who have this calling. Teachers definitely should make more money than athletes. Instead of bonus pay for students making better grades and passing standardized tests, they should get combat pay.

These days parents seem to think schools are babysitting services. They are sidestepping their parental obligations by expecting the schools to give their little darlings home training (one of my favorite Southern expressions). Many kids come to school without even knowing to say please or thank you. They think it’s funny when little Johnny curses out the teacher. They ignore phone calls and letters from the teachers or principals. They are nowhere to be found for parent/teacher conferences. But should little Johnny say his teacher is being mean to him, then Mom is there ready to turn the school upside down. Nevermind that he is constantly disrupting class, fighting, spending countless days in ISS, or routinely being suspended for repeated offenses.

Well I have a solution for these parents who always say “my child would never...”  Instead of putting the kid on Ritalin, if the parent refuses to cooperate with school officials in modifying the kid’s behavior, they should be required to home school them. Yes sirreebob! The state will provide the necessary materials and the student must maintain certain requirements. I can promise after a few days of that you would see a change in student and parent.

Not if but when

Success like many other things in life is a state of mind. For some it comes easily and lasts a lifetime. Others pursue it passionately but it eludes them at every turn. Still for others  after years of blood, sweat, and tears it falls on them like manna from heaven.

I am in that pursuit after tasting some success in my younger years. That brief taste fuels an unending hunger in me. I want more so much that my career goals are a driving force for my existence. In some ways I am grateful my early success was short live. At that time in my life I did not have the tools to handle it. I would have squandered it, like so many others do when success comes to easy.

Now that I am older and wiser I have learned that success has to be nurtured and savored and treated with respect. This is a valuable life lesson. Now as  I rebuild my life now it is not a question of if I will be successful but when I will stand with my head held high, feeling the sun on my face again.

Just do your job

I put myself through college working in a pharmacy. Never once did any pharmacist ever turn away a patient because he or she felt some personal crisis about filling a prescription. The men and women I worked with always conducted themselves under the professional ethic that it was a responsibility to comfort and aid the patient.

But these days there are pharmacists, (as well as some doctors) who think it is a moral dilemma written on that prescription pad. Frankly, it’s none of your business! Let’s just be blunt about it. It is not up to any party outside of myself and my physician to decide if I should be taking certain medications. I was honestly shocked when I saw a recent report about a pharmacist who refused a rape victim the morning after pill because he didn’t believe in abortion. Was he going to make himself available to her for the rest of her life to deal with the trauma of raising a baby resulting from rape? Perhaps he was going provide her with ongoing financial assistance to raise this child. There have also been reports of pharmacists refusing to dispense birth control pills or other forms of female contraceptives to single women and even married women. But it seems they have no problems with selling Viagra.

It is almost implausible to me that a medical professional would allow his/her personal beliefs to prohibit him/her from doing their job. If they feel that strongly perhaps they should find other jobs that are more supportive of their moral obligations. It comes down to leaving your personal opinions and biases at home. Your convictions have no bearing on the lives of your patients.

There's nothing PC about me

In the 60’s we were Negroes. In the 70’s we were Afro-Americans, and in the 80’s-black. But then in the 90’s some knucklehead came up with African-Americans. This is a subject that has long since chapped my hide. That term is TOTALLY and COMPLETELY incorrect. I was born here, I did not immigrate here. Neither did my parents, grandparents, or even my great grandparents. Add to that my great grandmother was a full blood American Indian.

I am an American but if you must distinguish me I prefer to be referred to as Black American. I am not the only one who feels this way. But for some reason that darn PC idiot won’t listen to us. They always seem to know better. All this PC garbage has done more harm than good. Americans have become overly sensitive about how we talk to and refer to each other.

As long as we treat each with respect it should not be a problem to describe someone as Black, White, Asian, Latino, fat, short, etc. I think it is more demeaning to place these PC tags on people as if they will burst into tears if you use appropriate terminology. We are supposed to be adults. Perhaps it’s those PC knuckleheads who need to grow up.

Why are you still together?

In previous posts I have mentioned a friend who is determined to marry someone who clearly isn’t right for him. He sees this just as plain as the nose on his face but he is determined to go through with it. Recently on an episode of Dr Phil there was a woman who was supporting her mooching boyfriend. He openly admitted to stealing from her, lying to her about looking for work, among other things. Even her parents expressed concern. But as she had the truth staring her in the face, she said she loved him and would probably still marry him.

Even I’ve been guilty of overlooking some glaring character flaws in order to love that person. But the difference between me and them is that I got out before it was too late. To me there was just not enough love to make this person into the person I wanted them to be. I had to step back and listen to my head  instead of my heart.

Love is too important to waste on someone who is unwilling or unable to give it to you in return. Of course there is always a reason we get sidetracked by that girlfriend or boyfriend that we later wish would fry in the depths of hell. Perhaps we don’t want to see their flaws because we don’t want them to see our own. But there is no reason to stay once the writing is on the wall. Let that person go so they can find someone just as dysfunctional as they are (although I am a firm believer that the dysfunctional should not procreate). Another reason to let them go is so you can make room for the person who is right for you.

There's just not enough love in the world

We live in tumultuous times. Every day the news broadcasts are filled with stories of hatred and death. The war in Iraq, genocide in Darfur,  suicide bombings in many parts of the world. Mothers and fathers with broken hearts over the children sent to die to fight battles we will never understand.

It takes a lot of energy to hate. You have to come up with reasons why you are hating someone and then act upon it. It takes even more energy to hate someone you’ve never met. How do you work yourself up to a frenzy so much so that you can want to strike out at someone who may not be aware of you?

When I see communities ravaged by natural disasters or other problems I often wonder why energy isn’t put into fixing that. Instead of blowing yourself up why not build a home for a family whose home has been damaged by an earthquake? Wouldn’t it be more admirable to help a farming community grow enough food to sustain itself? Why not help establish living quarters and schools for children orphaned by AIDS?

Perhaps I am naïve because I don’t understand how you can take up arms against someone because they don’t believe what you believe or pray the way you do. The world is a diverse place and we should celebrate and embrace our differences. I know there will always be problems in the world. We can’t blame our problems on rap music or violent movies because these problems have been around since the dawn of time. But if we consider ourselves evolved creatures we need to find better ways to solve these problems instead of picking up a gun. It’s the 21stcentury and it’s really time to change the way we do things around here.

Happy New Year

I bet you thought I’d abandoned my blog. Not at all, just going through the normal and not so normal life things. But now I’m back and really ready for the new year.

First I wish you well in this new year. I know we all are facing lots of things in our lives and in our world that we think we may never be able to work out. But if we keep a positive mind and spirit, we can and will make it through. Having faith in ourselves can go along way.

I have made some very definite plans to set myself back on the path to the life I want for myself. I was detoured for a while but things are certainly looking brighter. I haven’t made any resolutions because I never keep them. But I have set my intentions towards certain reachable goals.

My future is bright and I love feeling the sun on my skin!